Blood Is Thicker Than Syrup
by thegoblinjester
Summary: Canada, France and America move to a city which is not what it seems. Canada befriends a creepy albino who doesn't eat, America crushes on a British prick who is too perfect to be human, and France suspects nothing. Vampire/ghost AU - PruCan and UsUk
1. Climbin' In Yo Windows

Farren Heights is a nice enough town, I suppose. A bit too cramped and urban for my tastes, but I can get used to it. Alfred loves it. It must remind him of New York or something. I can tell he's already right at home as we move into our new apartment, and if Alfred's happy, we're happy.

I don't think papa likes the place very much, but he doesn't complain. As long as he has a stove to cook on and pretty girls to flirt with, he'll be fine.

My opinion doesn't count, because they both think that I'm the best at dealing with mildly unpleasant things. If my family wants to live here, then who am I to ruin it for them?

We're living in this city because papa got a really good job offer over here as a chef at a famous restaurant, and he couldn't turn it down.

Apparently, the school is top-notch, and Alfred and I both got enrolled before the school year started so we can have a better chance at fitting in.

Not that I want to fit in anymore.

I suppose I shouldn't complain about the move. This could be a fresh start for me. Besides, I hated the last place we lived, so this is quite an improvement. Maybe this year I'll actually manage to make some friends, and perhaps I'll get into the hokey team this time.

It's a fairly spacious apartment, and I can already see both papa and Alfred planning how to sneak girls in. The walls were a weird gray color and didn't go with the floorboards at all. There were more than enough windows to provide ample lighting, and the view wasn't half bad, considering the city.

"Well," papa says, clapping his hands together, "this is it, mon chers. Home sweet home."

I could tell he was just _itching_ to repaint the walls.

"Man, this is great!" Alfred exclaims, flopping back onto the couch. "Imagine the parties I could throw in here!"

"All with my supervision, of course." papa laughs.

"Yeah, yeah." Alfred says dismissively. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait for school to start! Maybe this year I'll finally get a girlfriend!"

"We shall see." papa says with a knowing smirk. He turned to me, blue eyes sparkling. "What about you, Mathieu? Are you excited?"

"Oui, papa." I assure him. "It'll take some getting used to, though."

"I'm already used to it!" Alfred grins. "This is my kind of town!"

There's a knock at the door.

"I'll get it..." I say, but Alfred beats me to it.

Two guys about our age stand there, one with a plate covered in foil. One is much taller than the other, and seems to emanate energy. The other is petite and calm-looking, though a bit timid.

"Annyeoghaseo!" the taller boy says, shaking Alfred's hand. "We're your neighbors!"

"Nice t' meet ya!" Alfred beams. "I'm Alfred F. Jones!"

"I'm Yong Soo, and this is Kiku!"

Kiku bows politely.

"Konnichiwa."

Papa steps forward to introduce himself.

"Bonjour! It is such a pleasure to meet you!" he says. "I am Francis Bonnefoy, and this is Matthew."

I smile at them, but they don't even glance at me.

"Would you like to come inside?" papa asks.

"Love to, but can't." Yong Soo apologizes. "We've got a lot to do today. We're just here to drop off these!"

Kiku hands the plate to Alfred.

"They're mochi – pounded rice. Traditionally eaten on New Year's, but we happened to have several on hand." Kiku explains. "They're homemade."

"Thank you very much." papa says sincerely.

"Ano... do either of you play video games?" Kiku asks awkwardly.

"_Do _I!" Alfred exclaims. "Dude! They're practically my life!"

"What he's saying is that he doesn't have a life." I say, but no one notices.

"You and your family should come over for dinner sometime." papa tells them.

"We'd like that!" Yong Soo says. "We can talk the details over later. Right now, we gotta make like a banana and split!"

"Sayonara." Kiku says.

"Bye!" Alfred says, waving.

"I'm impressed, Alfred." papa chuckles. "Barely a day here and you've already made two new friends!"

"I'm what people call 'socially awesome'." Alfred says.

I notice that papa didn't refer to them as _my_ friends. Not that I'm bitter or anything!

Later that day, we get a visit from the neighbors on the _other_ side of the apartment.

"Hello!" says the boy. He looks a little bit older than me and a heck of a lot prettier. "I'm Tino! I'm from next door, and we're just _so excited_ to have new neighbors!"

"It's very nice to meet you." papa says with a smile. Alfred doesn't seem too interested in Tino. "I'm Francis Bonnefoy and this is my son, Mathieu. My other son is in his bedroom right now, I think."

"That's alright, I'm sure I'll meet him later!" Tino says. He turns to me. "Nice to meet you, Matthew! Do you like this town so far?"

"Oh, I haven't seen much of it yet." I say. With Alfred in the other room, I get noticed more.

"I should take you on a tour sometime!" Tino says excitedly. Everything he does, he does with excitement. "Not today, though. I'm awfully busy."

"It seems like everyone is!" papa laughs. "The boys from the other apartment said that exact same thing!"

"Did they now?" Tino asks, and for a second the lighting makes his brown eyes look... violet? "Well, it _is_ almost the start of the school year! Can't say I blame them!"

"Indeed." papa says, nodding his head sagely. "In fact, I should probably take my boys shopping for school supplies!"

"That's a good idea!" Tino says brightly. "Well, don't let me keep you any longer! Welcome to the neighborhood! Stay off the streets after midnight!"

"Adieu!" papa says as Tino leaves. "How lucky we are to have such nice neighbors!"

"I suppose." I say. I didn't know such cheer and jolliness could be so off-putting.

"Don't worry, mon cher." papa says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends."

"I know, papa." I say.

Papa takes us shopping for new school supplies, but we don't meet anyone else our age. Alfred talks about which video games he's going to play with Kiku and how many hamburgers he's going to eat for dinner. Papa flirts with the cashier. I keep my headphones on and listen to music.

That night, I lie awake in my new bedroom, reading a book stolen from Alfred. Quite frankly, it's terrible, but I can't get to sleep and have nothing else to do. I can't believe that Alfred actually _enjoys_ this trashy novel. It's so... _mushy._

"Hey." a voice says.

I jump about a foot in the air and throw the book at the window, which is where the voice came from.

"Jumpy, much?" the voice asks.

I get up and warily inch over to the window.

"I've got a phone, you know." I say. "I can call the police at any time."

"Relax. I ain't comin' in, doll."

Who says "doll" anymore?

The boy outside looks like something straight out of some corny romance movie from the fifties, complete with leather jacket and meticulously messy hair. He's all pale skin and sharp angles, not exactly somethin you find outside your bedroom window often. He's got strange red eyes and a feral look about him, but I'm pretty sure I can take him in a fight. My brother is Alfred F. Jones, after all. The weird thing, however, is the little yellow bird perched on the branch next to him, gazing into my soul with merciless black eyes.

"Who are you and what do you want?" I ask.

"Just checkin' out the new meat." the boy shrugs. "The names Gilbert Beilschmidt."

"Charmed." I say skeptically. "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm pretty sure what you're doing is illegal to some degree."

"You're probably right." Gilbert says, but he makes no move to leave.

"Listen, if you're looking for someone to drag to a party or something, talk to my brother." I tell him. "I'm the goody-two-shoes of this family, and he's a lot more social."

"Cool polar bear." Gilbert remarks, nodding at my bed.

"Thanks. If you don't leave, I really am going to call the police."

"Geez, don't get your panties in a twist." Gilbert says, rolling his eyes. Something about his tone really riles me up. "Just wanted to say hi, and now I've done that. Later, Birdie."

As silent as a cat, he climbs down the tree and disappears into the night.

"What a freak." I say, making sure that the window is latched.

I keep my hockey stick close now.

* * *

**Wow look another multi-chapter multi-pairing fanfic about vampires**

**wow**

**Don't fret, I'll continue to work on Frostbite.**

**Will contain PruCan, UsUk and HongIce with a bunch of other pairings on the side.**


	2. Welcome To Farren Heights

"Good morning, Mathieu!" papa says brightly as I sit down at the table. It has been four days since we've moved it. "Breakfast will be ready in just a few minutes!"

"Alright." I say, pouring myself some apple juice. It's my own personal bottle, as Alfred swears by orange juice. "Did you sleep well, papa?"

"Oui, oui." he says. "Although I think the neighbors stayed up watching a horror movie of some sort."

"Kiku and Yong Soo?"

"Mm-hmm." he says, setting a plate of pancakes down in front of me. "Luckily, it was pretty easy to ignore. I swear, some teenage boys really don't know the value of sleep."

"Like Alfred?"

"Oh, he knows the value of sleep alright!" papa laughs. "But only from three AM to noon!"

"He's like a psuedo-vampire." I remark. "But instead of blood, he drinks milkshakes!"

"What're you guys sayin' 'bout Count Chocula?" Alfred asks, ambling into the room blearily. His hair is a mess and he's only wearing one slipper. He plops himself down at the table with all the grace and elegance of a swan, should the swan be mentally ill. Papa gives him the rest of the pancakes, which he eagerly digs into.

"School starts tomorrow, mon chers!" papa announces cheerfully. "Are you excited?"

I nod politely, while Alfred gives a lazy thumbs up.

"You watch and wait. I'll be the KING of the school by day two!" says Alfred, still blinking away drowsiness.

"I'm sure you will." papa says encouragingly. He goes and turns the radio on to provide some background noise.

"And that was the traffic report. To those just tuning in to BYTE, good morning listeners! I'm Vladimir Dalca and this is the morning Farren Heights newscast! " a cheerful, strangely-accented voice says. "The horoscopes for today are: Aries – the voices have a point. Taurus – today you will die. Gemini – today is not a day to be two-faced. Cancer – avoid seafood. Leo – stick with your friend and drink plenty of tea. Virgo – be creative! Let go of artist's block! Read a young adult vampire romance novel! Libra – you can overcome any conflict with your sense of justice and keen eye. Scorpio – today is your lucky day! Sagittarius – use your strength to protect those close to you. Capricorn – why you high bro? Aquarius – let go of unrequited love. Pieces – you're the queen of the goddamn ocean you don't need no stars telling you what to do.

"The whole town is bustling as students, teachers and parents alike prepare for another school year! Though some still suspect that the school cafeteria is haunted, the council has chosen to overlook that due to the lack of evidence. If the Farren Heights High ghost is listening, then we ask you very politely to please show yourself so we may communicate properly. Otherwise, we're calling Ghostbusters.

"I've just gotten word that our neighboring town, Cent Degrades, has recently renovated their school, adding a statue of Medusa that students are forbidden to look and and a fountain featuring a basilisk, also forbidden to be looked upon. They must think they're better than us! What jerks! Our mayor, Romulus Vargas, remarked that no city can beat ours in the line of sheer culture and rich history. His grandsons could not be reached for comment.

"And now a word from our sponsors: Are you tired of gremlins in your attic? Gnomes in your basement? Pesky husbands on the couch all day? That one friend who won't shut up about veganism? Then you ought to try Fae-be-gone, the garlic-free pest control spray that's harmless to bats!"

"Uh... what the fuck was that?" Alfred asks.

"That was the morning radio in Farren Heights." papa chuckles. "It's quite eccentric, non?"

"More like terrifying." Alfred mutters.

"Maybe we should get some of that pest spray and use it on Alfred's bed when he refuses to wake up in the mornings..." I suggest.

"This town certainly is... interesting." papa says. "I think I could grow to like it here."

"As long as they have a McDonald's." Alfred shrugs.

"Actually..." papa says, frowning. "I don't think they do."

Alfred drops his cup of orange juice to the floor, where it shatters.

"I'm just kidding!" papa laughs. "You didn't notice the McDonald's two blocks away from out apartment? Now clean that up before it makes the floor sticky!"

Alfred grumbles angrily as he grabs some paper towels and a dustpan to mop up the mess he made. I leaf through the newspaper, The Silver Crucifix, and look for the comics.

"School starts tomorrow." papa says again. We have already gone on a tour so that we can find our way around. "I trust both of you will do your best to stay out of trouble?"

"Oui, papa." I say.

"We'll see." Alfred mutters.

The doorbell rings.

"Oh, that's probably Kiku!" Alfred exclaims, dumping the glass shards into the trash. "We're gonna go hang out at the comic book store!"

"In your pajamas?" papa asks.

"Crap!" says Alfred, running to his room.

"I'll get the door." I say, getting to my feet. Sure enough, Kiku stands outside the door, looking awkwardly solemn. "Good morning." I say politely.

"Ohaio, Matthew-san." he replies, bowing.

"Alfred's getting changed out of his My Little Pony pajamas." I explain.

"Hey!" Alfred shouted from inside. "I'll have you know that these are one-of-a-kind and not to be spoken of in such a condescending manner!"

"Come inside." I say to the brunet, ignoring my brother.

"Arigato." he says, following me into the house.

"Good morning, Kiku!" papa says. "Would you care for a croissant? Or some apple juice?"

"Perhaps another time." Kiku says politely. I get the feeling that he actually means 'no, not ever.' "I already filled up at home."

Alfred hops into the room, pulling on his pants and running a hand through his hair.

"OK, I'm ready!" he says, pulling up his zipper.

"Nice underwear." I remark, since it has care bears all over it.

"Shut up, care bears are awesome."

"Shall we get go, Alfred-san?" Kiku asks.

"Yeah, let's blow this joint!"

Alfred practically drags Kiku out, and suddenly the room feels a whole lot quieter.

"Ah, now I can hear myself think~" papa says, switching to French. I desperately pray that he won't voice those thoughts out loud. "Alfred really has no volume control."

"And Kiku has too much. A nice balance, I suppose." I reply in the same language. When Alfred isn't around, or we're hiding secrets from him, we often start to talk as such.

"What do you think, Mathieu?"

"About...?"

"Them."

"I give it a week, provided Alfred doesn't get distracted."

"I'd say a couple months, actually."

The next day, we manage to drag Alfred out of bed early enough for us to catch the school bus. Tino sits with four other blond guys, Alfred sits with Kiku and I, curse the fates, am left to sit in the only space available – right next to the albino creep. Tomorrow, I'm just going to walk.

"Guten tag." Gilbert says, staring out the window.

"Hello." I say, sitting as far away from him as possible.

"Never did catch your name."

I sigh.

"Matthew Williams."

"Sorry, didn't quite hear ya."

I say it again, a bit louder.

"Ah. Nice t' meet ya, Matthew."

"I'd say the same, but I don't often take pleasure in meeting creepy guys who sit outside my window in the middle of the night."

Gilbert actually laughs, as opposed to ignoring me and saying something else.

"You gotta admit, though, I did give you a fright."

"I was this close to hitting you with my hockey stick." I tell him. "You'd have been in the hospital for weeks."

"I'll take your word for it." he says. "Yeah, I'm the creepy kid who stalks the newest residents to our town on a regular basis. I've been called a hoodlum, a bad influence, a scoundrel, a carrier of rabies and some things I don't wish to repeat."

"And?"

"I'm just warning you, kid." he shrugs. "I'm a lone wolf. If you hang out with me, you'll end up weird. No one else will want t' get to know you. I'm like that old Tupperware full of unknown leftovers sitting in the back of the fridge."

"We can be outcasts together, then." I offer. I don't know why, but this guy really doesn't seem as bad as I thought he was. "It's not like I have a reputation to lose."

"Really?" Gilbert asks, genuinely shocked. It's kind of adorable and also heartbreaking at the same time. "You'd choose me in favor of a social life and respect from the teachers?"

"I'm a teacher's pet, actually." I admit. "I doubt there's much you can do to change that. But yeah, if you haven't gotten bored of me yet then we might as well give friendship a shot."

"Wow, alright." he says. "I haven't had an actual friend in a while, believe it or not. Do we have to make friendship bracelets and macaroni art?"

"Definitely."

* * *

**Five GoblinBucks to those who can guess what I ripped BYTE off of.**


	3. Mamma Mia!

**Here we go again!**

* * *

Gilbert's only in a couple of my morning classes, so we don't have much of a chance to talk until lunch period. The school is kinda different from what I'm used to and no two students seem to be from the same country. My favorite teacher so far is Mrs. Karpusi, who is just the right mix of sweet and strict. Half the boys have a crush on her, I suspect.

I never get cafeteria food. Papa always sends us out with packed lunches, personalized to our tastes. Since it's the first day of school he's let us have special treats. For me it's chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and powdered sugar with a carton of chocolate milk.

Tino waves me over.

"Hello, Matthew!" he says. "Won't you join us?"

"I'd love to, but I already promised someone else that I'd eat with him." I say earnestly.

"Oh, that's alright!" he says. "Let me introduce you to my friends, though!"

"OK."

"This is Berwald," an incredibly tall guy with fierce blue eyes and rectangular glasses, "Mathias," also tall, with robin's egg blue eyes and spiked-up hair, "Lukas," skinny, eerily pretty, slate-blue eyes and an apathetic expression, "and Emil." probably the youngest of the bunch, with white-blond hair and, again, blue eyes. "Everyone, this is Matthew Williams, who lives between us and the Wangs."

"Nice to meet you." I say politely.

"Same here, my good man!" Mathias says brightly. "Anytime you need a hand, we're here for ya!"

"Thanks. I should probably go, though. Don't want to keep Gilbert waiting."

The mood at the table suddenly turns sour..

"Gilbert Beilschmidt?" Tino asks.

"Albino guy, huge ego?" Mathias adds.

"Unless there's another guy by that description and name, yes." I chuckle awkwardly.

"He's no good." Lukas says quietly.

"What, does he do drugs or something?" I ask warily.

"Nah, that's Lars." Mathias says offhandedly, pointing to a guy with hair even taller than his own. "Gilbert's just... not good."

"I'll keep that in mind." I say, inwardly rolling my eyes at the gossip.

"Also, keep an eye on your brother." Tino warns me.

"Don't tell me Yong Soo's no good, too." I half-joke.

"That whole _family_ is no good." Mathias says.

"Mm-hmm. I'll be taking my leave, then. See ya."

By the time I find Gilbert, he's doodling in his notebook and looking extremely bored.

"Hey." I say. "No food?"

"Not hungry." he replies. "Saw you chatting with those Nordic assholes."

Oh wait, was he jealous?

_Awww._

"They're kind of a gossip-y bunch." I admit. "They were saying some rotten things about you and the Asian family I live next to."

"I don't know where they get their ideas." Gilbert sighs. "Mathias is alright, I guess. Used to go drinking with him. Tino's sweet, but he'll believe any dumb rumor that flies his way. Lukas and Emil are creepy as heck, man. Berwald looks tough but he has a puppy at home that he walks with a pink leash."

"They sound like an interesting bunch." I remark. "If we discuss them much more, though, we'll probably be sinking down to their level."

"True that." Gilbert says. "So... why did you guys move here? It's not exactly what I'd call scenic... though some of the girls are awfully pretty."

"Papa got a job offer, and he liked the looks of the school." I tell him. "There's not much more to it. You got a family?"

"Ja. My grandfather, Aldrich Beilschmidt, is the principal here."

"Really?" I ask. "Gee, you wouldn't think it..."

"I'm the problem child. My little brother, Ludwig, is the goody two-shoes of the family. In vati's eyes, he can do no wrong." Gilbert chuckles. "Imagine the fit he'd fly into if he found out that dear sweet Luddy is gay for the mayor's grandson."

"Is your grandfather not accepting of that sort of thing?" I ask.

"He'd mostly be worried that it would look like his big, strong grandson is trying to take advantage of the most innocent kid in town." Gilbert explains, pointing to table where a well-built blond guy was sitting with a petite brunet and Kiku. "I can tell you that vati didn't give a damn when I came out. He kinda doesn't like to publicize the fact that we're related."

"Wow." I say. "That's... harsh. Your parents...?"

"Dead. Can't say I miss them, since they died when I was a baby."

I can't help but imagine Gilbert as a little kid. Was his hair always white?

"What about you? Got any family issues?" he asks.

"No... but I could tell you the story of why papa, Alfred and I all have different last names..." I say.

"OK."

"It's not terribly long or complicated, but people get confused if they don't hear it." I say. "Our mother was Amelia Williams, a New Yorker and aspiring actress. She was dating Alfred's dad, some cowboy whose last name was Jones, but he died in a car accident before Alfred was born. She didn't let that stop her, though, and she went on to perform in quite a few shows. One day, she met papa, and after giving him a black eye, they fell in love. Mom gave birth to Alfred, and papa let her give the kid her ex boyfriend's last name as a sign of respect. Two years later I was born, but mom died in childbirth, so I kept her last name as well. Papa's raised us ever since, and all we have left of mom are our names and the polar bear she gave me."

Gilbert is smirking at me.

"What."

"It's cute how you'll talk with an American accent, but when you say 'papa' it sounds French."

_Cute?_

"The girls love it." I tell him.

"Girls don't talk to you."

"They don't talk to you, either."

"Touche."

This is the first time I've seen him genuinely smile.

"Hey, fuckass! Who's this cutie?"

The smile becomes a scowl.

"Go away, cow."

The girl, who's rather pretty with long brown hair and bright green eyes, laughs and sits down at our table.

"Don't be so rude, you hedgehog." she says to Gil. "What's your name, sweetie?" she asks me.

"I'm Matthew Williams." I tell her. "You?"

"Elizaveta Hedervary." she says. "Aren't you Alfred's brother?"  
"Yup." I say. "I'm the evil twin." I say with a bright smile and a head tilt. Theoretically, it's very attractive.

She laughs.

"I like you, Matthew!" she says. "What are you doing here with _this_ nincompoop?"

"He's eating, can't you tell?" Gilbert asks grumpily. "Go bother Roderich or something."

"So that you can corrupt poor Matthew? I don't think so!" she says. "I apologize for anything rude or vulgar that Gilbert might have said, dear." she tells me. "He's really quite a handful."

"You told me that girls don't talk to you, Gil." I remark.

"This isn't a girl. This is a monster from the depths of hell."

"And don't you forget it!" she says. "Matthew, have you met Feliciano Vargas?"

"No..."

"Oh, I _must_ introduce you two!" she says. "He always likes to meet new people! Hey Feliciano!" she calls across the room. "There's a new kid here you haven't met!"

Suddenly, the brunet who was sitting with Kiku pops up beside our table.

"Ciao!" he exclaims, shaking my hand vigorously. "It's very nice to meet you! Welcome to Farren Heights! I'm Feliciano Vargas, the mayor's grandson! The big blond guy over there at my table is Ludwig Beilschmidt and he's one of my best friends! My brother's name is Lovino and he's really grumpy all the time! What's your name?"

"... Matthew Williams." I say.

"Cool! Are you Alfredo's brother? You two sure look alike! Although now that I'm closer, I can see some differences! Hypothetically, if you were to marry Gilbert and I were to marry Ludwig, we'd be brothers-in-law! Wouldn't that be interesting? Oh, here's Ludwig now! Ciao, Lu-"

Ludwig puts a hand over Feliciano's mouth.

"Sorry. He does like to talk." Ludwig says, grabbing Feliciano's hand and pulling him away. The Italian keeps talking as if there's no tomorrow.

"They're such a cute couple." Elizaveta sighs.

"They're not even together." Gil points out.

"Not _yet..._"

"So..." I say, wanting to change the subject. "Where are you from, Elizaveta?"

"Hungary!" she says proudly. "Ooh, ask Gil where he's from!"

"Where are you from, Gil?" I ask.

"Prussia." he says coldly.

"Prussia hasn't existed in over sixty years..." I say.

"Shut up, it's alive in my heart."

"You don't have a heart, Gil." Elizaveta says.

* * *

"Kiku. Who is that?"

He follows my gaze.

"That," his brother interrupts, "is Arthur Kirkland ~aru."

Arthur Kirkland. Emerald green eyes, messy blond hair, short stature, pale skin, punk clothing, perfect everything.

"Really."

"Yes, and he's no good." Yao says. "He's a real heart breaker. My advice? Stay the hell away ~aru."

"Calm down, man." I say, still staring. "I'm not gay. It's not like I'm gonna fall head-over-heels in love with him."

Yao sighs.

"It's _your_ funeral ~aru."

* * *

**Dammit Alfred**


	4. Gilbert Picks Up A Chick

Gil has offered to walk me home, so that's what we're doing.

"And you wanna watch out for Ivan Braginsky." he adds. "Tall guy, pink scarf, can't miss him. He's nice enough, but don't piss him off. Also, his younger sister is totally insane. I think all the girls at this school are. Yekaterina's very nice, but has some serious emotional issues. You can identify her by the sound of drums. Lily is sweet, but her brother is over-protective and owns a gun. If you want a date to some dance, ask Bella or that islander girl. They're probably the least insane."

"What about Elizaveta?" I ask.

"I told you that she's a demon from the underworld. Unless you're into that kinda thing."

"OK..."

"Let's see... did I get everyone? Oh yeah, Antonio. He and I used to be the best of friends, until I started hitting on some guy I knew he liked. To be fair, I was just doing it because it was the mayor's other grandson, Lovino, and I just wanted some attention from vati. Dark times, Matthew. Dark times."

"I'm starting to see why you don't have any friends." I remark.

"You mean you didn't know that already?" Gil asks. "You must be blind _and_ deaf."

I take my glasses off.

"You still look like a gargoyle."

"And you look like a squinty asshole." Gilbert says. "Put those back on before you run into anything."

"My eyesight isn't _that_ bad." I say, putting the glasses on again. "Not as bad as Alfred's."

"Don't give me prank ideas." Gilbert warns me. "They're dangerously awesome."

"You mean dangerously lame?" I ask.

"Same difference."

"That only works for puns."

"Shh, you're putting a damper on my awesome mood." Gil says, putting a finger to his lips.

Like a comet, a little yellow ball of fluff falls to the sidewalk.

"Gott, Gilbird! You've gotta be more careful!" the albino says softly, squatting to pick up the sentient pom-pom. As he straightens up, it occurs to me that this is the bird that I had seen with him when he was outside my window.

He's stroking the birds feathers and cooing to it and it seems like he's forgotten that I'm there. For once, I don't mind so much.

"Yes, that's a good birdie~" he says, putting the puffball on his head. "You're a handsome fella, aren't you. I bet you get _all_ the chicks."

"Get a room, you two." I say.

Gilbert pales even more than he already is.

"You saw and heard nothing." he tells me.

"Too late, this is going on facebook!"

"Isn't your dad your only facebook friend?"

"I don't even have a facebook account." I admit.

"Have you been living under a rock you whole live?"

"No. I live in a cupboard under some stairs." I reply.

"As if. I've seen your room."

"That was my closet."

We continue to banter on like this until we reach my apartment.

"See you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Or maybe tonight~" he says with a wink and a cackle before turning and walking away. I roll my eyes and shrug it off, making a mental note to keep my hockey stick within reach at all times.

"How was school, Mathieu?" papa asks, closing his book and placing it out of sight. Alfred tell me that it's Fifty Shades Darker. I have no reason to doubt him.

"Surprisingly good." I shrug. "The teachers are interesting and I made a couple of friends."

"Tell me more~"

"Well, there's Gilbert Beilschmidt... he's kinda weird, but in a good way." I say. "He's albino."

"Is he cute?" papa asks, cutting right down to the important business.

"Uh... well, he has a pet canary..."

"So genetics didn't favor him?"

"No! I mean- ugh. I suppose he's alright-looking, if you get past the stupid leather jacket." I explain. "Anyway, I also met a Hungarian girl named Elizaveta Hedervary. She's pretty nice."

"You're trying to change the subject, Mathieu~" papa chuckles.

"I'm just trying to tell you about my day!" I laugh.

"Oui, and I am most interested in your albino friend."

"Papa!" I exclaim, throwing a pillow from the couch at him. "Unlike you, I don't make passes at every mildly attractive person I meet!"

"Fine, we can change the subject." papa rolls his eyes. "Did I tell you I've been digging through this town's history?"

"Oh, is it interesting?" I ask.

"I'll say!" papa says with a flourish, getting up to begin dinner. "A lot of witch burnings were held here! And almost every other building is known for being haunted! There are so many romantic and tragic ghost stories, it's almost hard not to get caught up in it all! All sorts of mythologies from all around the world seem to gather here!"

"Wow!" I exclaim. "And to think we thought this town would be boring!"

"Speaking of jumping to conclusions, where is your brother?"

I shrug.

"Probably hanging out with Kiku." I say offhandedly.

"They sure seem to be hitting it off..." papa muses.

The door opens, but it doesn't make a loud slam like it always does when Alfred enters a room. Also, he never walks this gently. Papa and I immediately assume the worst and arm ourselves with frying pans.

"You guys look ridiculous." a very amused Alfred whispers.

"Alfred?" I ask. "What the heck is wrong with you?"

"What have you got there?" papa asks, as Alfred does indeed have something bundled up in a jacket and cradled in his arms.

Alfred winks, puts a finger to his lips and then gently pulls back the collar of the jacket. Snugly wrapped within is a sleeping kitten.

"Mon dieu!" papa exclaims quietly. "The poor dear! He's so skinny!"

"You know they don't allow pets here!" I scold Alfred.

"Yeah, but would _you_ have abandoned a tiny helpless baby cat?" Alfred asks. "That would be totally unheroic."

"You two stay here, keep him warm and out of sight." papa tells us. "I am going to run to the store and buy some cat food and such. He'll probably be hungry when he wakes up. Keep an eye on the soup and Matthew's in charge until I get back!"

"Shouldn't we take him to the vet?" I ask.

"No good, the veterinarian is the landlord's brother." papa says, shaking his head. "We'll take him in if it looks like he's unhealthy."

"Why does Matthew get to be in charge?" Alfred whined quietly.

"Because he actually listens to that little voice called 'common sense.'" papa chuckles, putting on his coat and leaving.

Alfred sticks his tongue out at me.

"If you're hearing voices, that means you're probably crazy." he tells me.

"Come on, let's find that cat something cleaner to sleep in." I say. "You haven't washed that jacket in _years._"

"It looks tougher this way." Alfred sniffs, but he follows me over to the linen closet where I find a fresh towel. We gently transfer the kitten, who stirs and yawns but doesn't wake up, and I do a quick check to make sure he is actually a he and that none of his bones are broken. He obviously wasn't a house cat, but he's not particularly matted or dirty. He was probably only recently separated from him mother.

"Aw, I love Scottish folds~" I coo, gently stroking his fur. "He has such strange markings, though... they almost look like big bushy eyebrows."

"Ha ha, yeah..." Alfred says, his mind elsewhere.

* * *

**DAMMIT ALFRED.**


	5. Impossible

Tonight the kitten(who turns out to be rather lively) sleeps on the nicest pillow in the apartment and I can't sleep at all. The cat, who doesn't seem to like papa all that much, is perfectly healthy and very feline in attitude. Claw snags in Alfred's t-shirt, tiny paws batting at my hair, mewling for dinner... probably the most normal living thing I have encountered in this town.

I am sitting at the foot of my bed, listening to music and doing homework. Unlike Alfred, I don't mind doing a little extra reading and such after school. We both agree that I'll be the successful one, and he'll be the one to randomly appear and crash on my couch for the night. Of course, Alfred is also convinced that he'll become a superhero.

"Yo, birdie!" a voice at the window hisses.

I don't even have to guess at who it could be.

"Gilbert! I'm trying to finish my homework!" I hiss right back at him, getting up and storming over to the window to properly express how miffed I am at him.

"Oh come on, Mattie. That shit ain't even due until Friday." he says, rolling his eyes.

"I hate to be the spoilsport, but you really should take your work more seriously." I warn him, opening the window so he can climb in. He immediately plops himself onto my beanbag chair. "You aren't likeable enough to get by on charm alone."

"My plan for the future is to go live in Neverland and fly around all day and fight pirates and kidnap kids from their bedrooms." Gilbert says with a shrug.

"I don't associate with people who will end up drunk and on my couch in a few years." I tell him. "Unless you wanna do my math homework...?"

"Geez, you're so prickly when you're tired." Gilbert remarks. "Aren't we friends?"

"Yes, but I refuse to let you bring my grades down."

"Ugh, fine." he says, crossing his arms. "Continue down the path of righteousness. I'll respect that. Just don't try to get me to do any work."

"Why are you even here?" I ask.

"Oh..." he says, eyes widening in an expression of suddenly remembering what he came here for. "Yeah... uh... well, never mind. It was a stupid question."

"Gil, this is the fourth floor. No one climbs this high to back out of asking a question." I deadpan.

"You're gonna laugh." he warns me.

"Yeah, probably."

"Gott, aren't Canadians supposed to be polite?" he asks.

"Aren't Prussians supposed to not be existing?" I retort. "Ask the question."

"Right. Well... you know that totally lame-ass loser dance for Halloween that the school's putting on?" he asks lamely. I nod. He gulps and then continues. "I thought it might be kinda fun if we, you know, attended and... well... just as friends... uh..." he trails off.

"Gilbert, it's a whole two months until the dance." I tell him, not quite registering exactly what he was asking.

"I know!" he says indignantly. "I'm not _stupid._ I just... I wanted to ask you before anyone else did."

"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.

"Are you really this thick?" Gilbert laughs nervously. "A lot -and I mean a _lot_- of the girls -and some boys, too- are all _very_ interested in the innocent young Canadian newcomer who knows French and lives on maple syrup. If we were living a bad vampire romance novel, you'd be the Bella freakin' Swan."

"I am offended beyond all reason." I inform him. "And don't be silly. People don't notice me."

"_I_ noticed you." Gil says earnestly. He then realizes what he says and his face goes a bit red.

"_Normal_ people don't notice me." I say. "It's just my luck I happen to attract the freak shows."

"News flash: everyone in this town is a freak show." Gilbert tells me. "And a lot of them would probably kill to go to the dance with you. They make a big deal out of Halloween here, and an even bigger deal about cute little Canadians."

"I'm cute?"

Gilbert nearly laughs.

"Birdie, I mean this is the most platonic way possible, but have you looked in a mirror lately?" he asks, trying not to burst into a fit of hysterical giggles.

I shrug.

"I don't give much thought to my appearance..." I explain.

"It's always the ones without much of a sense of self..." Gilbert sighs. "Look, kiddo. You're not ugly. Several people seem to have picked up on this fact."

"Including you?"

"... not the point."

"But it kinda _is_ the point, if you're asking me to a dance."

"Look, I don't give a shit about appearances." Gil tells me, acting as if his face isn't beet red. "I'm not shallow like all the other students."

"So you're enamored with my personality."

"Will you go with me or not?" he almost shouts, and I shush him because Alfred might hear him and storm in with a baseball bat.

"_Yes,_ Gil." I tell him in a hushed tone. "You made that way more complicated than it had to be."

"No," he says, pulling my hand away, "_you_ made it complicated. Wait, you'll go with me?"

"Provided you don't do anything horrible to me within the next two months, sure." I tell him.

"I'll do my best!" he says proudly, eyes sparkling. "So... wow. OK, I guess you'll be wanting to finish your homework or whatever..."

"Yes, that would be nice." I say. "I do have a reputation to uphold."

"I'm sure." he says, opening the window and stepping out. "Guten nacht~"

"Bonsoir, Gil." I reply, closing the window after him.

I stand there for a moment, not looking at anything in particular, before the realization hits. I'm going to a dance with Gilbert Beilschmidt. Gilbert Beilschmidt who prefers my company over my brother's. Gilbert Beilschmidt who doesn't forget my name. Gilbert Beilschmidt the town rebel. Gilbert Beilschmidt who I kind of have a crush on. Gilbert Beilschmidt who thinks I'm cute.

The dance can't come soon enough.

* * *

"You're so lucky, Lukas..." a charming British voice says. Fuck. He just _had_ to have an accent, didn't he. He just _had_ to be perfect. "I wish _I_ had a cat..."

"I wish you did, too. Then you would stop bugging me about it."

* * *

**EVERYTIME THERE IS DANCE I WILL CINDERELLA IT**


	6. Chapter 6

"And then when I woke up, this was one my pillow!" I finish. "You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"

"Of course not!" Gilbert says in a mildly offended tone. "I may be a creep, but I wouldn't go in your room without your permission! Give it here, I'll see if I can identify it."

I hand him the iron cross necklace, which he examines for a moment before recognition flashes across his face.

"Should have figured." he says.

"What?"

"The tooth fairy got a little overzealous." he laughs, getting to his feet. "Oi, Feli!" he calls across the cafeteria. Within a moment, the small Italian is at our table. Before he can say a word, however, Gilbert gets right down to business. "I found something of yours. Be more careful with your stuff, OK?"

"Yes sir!" Feli says, giving a salute. "Grazie, Gil~"

With that, he skips off.

"How did his necklace get on my _pillow?_" I ask.

"Beats me." Gilbert says with a practiced shrug. "Oh hey, another visitor. I'm not giving autographs, you know."

"I'm not here for _you._" Alfred says, rolling his eyes. "I want to talk to Mattie."

"OK, go ahead." Gilbert says, clapping his hands together and resting his elbows on the table.

"Let me rephrase that." Alfred replies. "I want to talk to him. _Alone._"

"Alright, fine. Go ahead." Gilbert says, throwing his hands in the air. "I can tell when I'm not wanted. Seriously, I'll leave. I'm not wounded deep down in whatever remains of my soul."

"You don't have to get up, Gil." I tell him. "Alfred and I can take this elsewhere."

"Yeah, sure! Run away from the weird kid! It's not like I don't have any other friends to hang out with!" he says melodramatically. "I'll be fine! You'll see! But don't you come crawling back to me!"

"Come on, Mattie." Alfred says, rolling his eyes again and pulling me aside. "Alright... I think I found someone to adopt the cat."

"Really?" I ask. "Who?"

"Arthur Kirkland."

"... who's that?"

"You don't know who Arthur Kirkland is?" Alfred asks incredulously.

"Nope."

"Wow... well, he's that guy over there with the big eyebrows." Alfred continues. "I heard him saying that he wants a cat, so maybe we should ask him."

"A lot of people want a cat, Alfred." I tell him, knowing he probably won't listen anyway but hey, he solicited my advice so I might as well give it to him. "The question is whether or not they can take care of him. And also whether or not they'll notify the landlord that we've been keeping a pet."

"Why don't we just ask him?" Alfred asks. "He doesn't know where we live, and we don't have to tell him why we can't keep the cat!"

"I don't get why you're so adamant on giving _him_ the cat." I remark. "You've never even spoken to each other, have you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"And wouldn't it make more sense to give the cat to someone we know and trust?"

"True, but-"

"And why are you so fixated on giving him the cat? You don't owe him anything."

"No, but-"

"Hold up, you're acting funny." I say suddenly. "You never let me get this many words in edgewise. What gives?"

"Uh-"

"Wait, do you _like_ Arthur?" I ask, eyes wide.

"Like, like? Or, like, like-like?" Alfred asks, trying to tiptoe around having to answer.

"You know what I mean." I reply, folding my arms and smirking. "So... do you?"

"He's... not without his charms." Alfred admits uncomfortably.

"So you _do_ like him!" I say. "OK, if you really want to, you can offer him the kitten. Just swear him to secrecy, alright?"

"Actually..." says Alfred. "I was wondering if _you_ could ask him... you're so polite and stuff, you know..."

"Are you nervous?" I ask. "For someone you've never talked to, he's really done a number on you! Let's go talk to him _together,_ OK?"

"Like, right now?" Alfred asks in a panicky tone.

"No time like the present." I shrug. "Let me just tell Gil that I'll be a bit longer, and then we can go talk to your man."

"He's _not_ my 'man.'" Alfred insists, but I'm already on my way back to the table so I can pretend not to hear him. Gil is reluctantly OK with the idea of waiting for me to return, so I drag Alfred away.

"So where is he?" I ask.

Alfred points.

I have to stifle my laughter.

"Shut up!" Alfred hisses.

"I'm sorry, Al. He really is quite handsome and I can see the appeal, but he doesn't look like someone you'd go for, you know?" I say between snickers.

"I said shut up."

"Fine, I guess we won't be talking to him today." I shrug, turning to walk back to the table. As expected, Alfred grabs my shoulder.

"Wait! Fine! I'm sorry!" he says. "Just... please help me with this?"

I laugh and say yes, so together we head over to where Arthur is sitting.

"Excuse me." I say politely. I still can't get over the fact that people notice me when I talk in this strange town. "Have you accepted The Sufferer as your lord and savior?"

Arthur nearly spewed his tea all over the table, and Alfred buried his face in his hands and groaned.

"I'm just kidding!" I say quickly. Evidently, I haven't gotten used to having to hold my tongue. "Really, we aren't going to try to convert you or anything. Mind if we join you?"

"It would be my pleasure." Arthur says, looking relieved and a little frazzled. "I'm Arthur Kirkland."

"I'm Matthew Williams." I reply. We turn to Alfred.

"Uh..." says Alfred, trying not to stare. I guess I can't blame him; Arthur's eyes are _really_ green.

"Are you quite alright?" Arthur asks.

"No, he's Alfred." I say as both an introduction and an explanation. "Alfred F. Jones."

"The hero." Alfred adds, trying to sound like his usual self. "And don't you forget it!"

"I see." Arthur said, sounding mildly amused. His prim perfect little attitude was starting to get on my nerves.

"Anyway, Al here recently rescued a kitten off the street, and we've been asking around." I say, coming up with an explanation that didn't involve Alfred eavesdropping. "And I was talking to Tino, who mentioned that Lukas had said something about you wanting a cat. We're really in no position to have a pet at the moment, not even this little angel, so even if you aren't interested maybe you can point us to someone who is?"

"A kitten? Really?" Arthur perked up, sounding much more genuine.

"Show him the pictures, Al." I say, nudging my brother who has been unreasonably quiet. Who knows, maybe we should hang out with Arthur more often!

Alfred pulls out his phone and brings up a picture of the kitten climbing up onto my shoulder.

"Jiminy cricket!" Arthur nearly squeals, grabbing the phone(and poor Alfred's hand) to get a closer look. The Brit then realizes the sheer absurdity of his exclamation and precisely how dorky he is acting, and manages to compose himself. "Er... yes, I suppose it is rather adorable..." he says, face reddening.

"So.. are you interested?" I ask. "We'd keep him, but circumstances are not in our favor..."

"Plus, he doesn't like me that much." Alfred says sheepishly. "Even though I'm the one who rescued him and all... he likes Mattie well enough, though."

"Well, cats are very picky." Arthur says. Something tells me that he wanted to say something much more mean, but held his tongue. "Are you sure I can have him?"

"If you think you can take care of him, sure!" I say. "Maybe we can meet up somewhere after school so you can meet him?"

"That sounds nice." Arthur replies, obviously containing his excitement. "How about the old clubhouse behind the library? It's still in fairly good condition..."

"Great!" I say. Suddenly, a slightly mean idea strikes me. "Oh, but I'm busy for the rest of the afternoon... Al can still go, though!"

Alfred puts his face in his hands.

"Alright, that works." Arthur shrugs.

We get up, me exchanging pleasantries and Alfred looking stricken.

"You are so dead." he tells me as we depart.

"Hey, I got you a date!" I say to him. "You could at least be a _little_ grateful!"

* * *

**It's funny because you all think Britain is a vampire**


End file.
